i'm just afraid history might repeat itself

that little devil tells me it's just going to end up like how the last relationship was.
2 years. no 3? or 4.

as much as i don't want it to be like whatever that has happened years back.

but the temptation is just too much to bear. i'm just a tad bit disappointed when i'm clear headed but all that cravings just got so overwhelmed during that spur of moment.

yes i'm blinded. and i'm aware of that. but people haven't been reminding me that fact these days so i just sleep it off, taking a step at a time and just resigning to fate.

since god loves giving me challenges all the time, i'm prepared to get over and done with, with this test.

but somehow, there's an ache there. i still do hope and pray it's not the way i felt. i just hope that i'm being paranoid and over sensitive. sometimes i wonder, how come i'm blessed with a clear headed soul. i'd rather be those stupid naive girls who just blindly followed what was in there for em. it's easier this way, don't you think? no consideration of consequences. no fear of this no fear of that. let's get it done and cry over it once the result is not in thy favour.

fuck it. seriously.

i just can't imagine how it's going to change me once i manage to slap myself up from my sleep.

hurt i guess. made me just to realize at least i have some stupidity in me. and never again to indulge in infatuation. but i really really do hope. that it's not it. i just need something to happen. and i just need to feel it. to revive it perhaps.

i'm just getting turned off. and really numb with everything else.
because at the end of the day. it seems like your parents are always right.

perrfect.


just one more chance. just a few more months.

or perhaps i could live with it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Life

my life is probably, correction my life IS spent too much on 1) waiting for others 2) fulfilling the many expectations the ones i love set for me 3) training for something that i ain't pretty much interested in at the age of 19 4) being a hypocrite, i don't get why i'm pushing kids to study when i simply hate it 5) surfing the net, googling, getting way to tied down by emails and updating 6) watching too much unhealthy porn, note: unhealthy 7) packing and packing, the packing never seems to end 8) wondering how i should get my hair done 9) taking in too much drinks and of course food and lastly 10) trying wayyy too hard to make things that are impossible to try to work my life IS better spent at 1) writing a fiction, something i've been wanting to do since i was 16 2) doing more spiritual shopping, cds and books 3) drinking alone 4) ditching everyone and just be a loner, seriously i should 5) reading 6) studying 7) driving 8) eating 9) sleeping 10) taking great care of ...
Read more

for all that matters

Image
It's just like flowers. Comeon', every women loves flowers. Sunflower, Roses, Lilies, Tulips. Whatever it is, as long as it blooms, as long as someone gives it to you. That's one sweet little girl. For all that matters. It's just 12 bucks darling. What's making you ponder?
Read more

2007

2006 It’s so far the fastest year ever. Just like what fm says, it seems like you just woke up from a sleep and it has all come to an end. I guess it’s been a tiring year with lots of confessions, truths, drama, changes. And within this year, I think I’ve had conversations more that I ever had with them for the years I knew them. We get together to realize each and everyone of us has a side unknown to the world of light and as we welcome another brand new day, it seems that that humanity hidden deep beneath just vanishes into thin air. Back we are the ones whom we are supposed to be, expected to be. That fabricated self. Fabrications are always the lovely tales that people remember. It’s better to live in a world of delusions filled with that nicely done up lies than to be showered by those cold harsh truth. I think I’ve become psychotic over the year. If not for the fact I try to stay closeted, I might perhaps been ostracized by everyone. Maybe I’m closeted within my own fabrications ...
Read more