last thoughts

You'll never know what's wrong unless you talk to her about it. Yes, and that's what I've been told. But just take a good look at the hostile behaviour whenever this issue is being brought into the picture. It never seems to bring about world peace. If I'm born lucky and am not aware of how fortunate I am. (which obviously she has been harping every singl moment I talk to her) My mum's born lucky too and have never ever counted her blessings. Well, truth is that our lives has indeed degraded in a way I never expected it to be. Neither has she. But compared to many others out there, excluding her friends and our relatives and the people around us, it's been an ok life already. IMO yet again. At least my dad ain't abusive. At least she didn't have to slog to bring home any income like what most mums do. At least she has 2 kids who are pretty good in their studies and what not aspects. At least no matter how bad I am, how impulsive I am. I managed to ge...

我不是不想帮 只不过今天当我走出大门的时候 看了看天 再看了看眼前的一字一句 心一阵灰了 我不愿意尽我所能帮到底 我曾经会不顾一切 暂时放下一切 甚至于利用他人 去帮自己关心的人 只不过到头来会发现自己或许傻得可怜 如果有人愿意为我傻傻的付出 那我或许也是傻傻付出的另个女人 别人为你而傻 傻得可笑 自己为他人而傻 为什么会傻得可悲？ 原来温柔附带条件 只是你没发现 只不过我尝试视而不见 如果是心理作祟 或许人生会好过一点 但接二连三 是否是巧合 我气我累 但也无所谓 因为感觉越来越强烈 因为近来常常失望而归 曾经常被指责于不愿付出 不曾付出 但是为什么当人慢慢学会付出的当儿 却似乎不被得到认同 为什么最终是个恶性循环 他人为我傻 我为他人昏 他人为你付出 你为他人痴痴等待 世上并非毫无情字可言 但愿痴心汉 傻得可悲 笨得可怜

i'm just afraid history might repeat itself that little devil tells me it's just going to end up like how the last relationship was. 2 years. no 3? or 4. as much as i don't want it to be like whatever that has happened years back. but the temptation is just too much to bear. i'm just a tad bit disappointed when i'm clear headed but all that cravings just got so overwhelmed during that spur of moment. yes i'm blinded. and i'm aware of that. but people haven't been reminding me that fact these days so i just sleep it off, taking a step at a time and just resigning to fate. since god loves giving me challenges all the time, i'm prepared to get over and done with, with this test. but somehow, there's an ache there. i still do hope and pray it's not the way i felt. i just hope that i'm being paranoid and over sensitive. sometimes i wonder, how come i'm blessed with a clear headed soul. i'd rather be those stupid naive girls who just bl...

if everything is worth that much of my efforts. if there is a certain point you start wondering if your efforts are being paid off for what it's worth, then the answer's right there, isn't it? perhaps just holding on still a little might turn the tables everything is perfectly fine for now. in fact too smooth to be true. but well, when i'm always doing well in some factor and hell, i'll be meeting some real challenges further on. that's what always happen. my parents have been telling me to start picking the schools partly because they fear i won't get accepted by any of them. there's nothing to be worried about. i'm always lucky when it comes to admissions and interviews. in fact, i excel in them all. i've never exactly failed any of them as far as i remember, unlike my brother who seems to be failing his interviews all the time. and my mum was saying. please try to appear to be hardworking. i asked her why? she said it was to avoid jealousy. it...