and i still wonder
if everything is worth that much of my efforts.
if there is a certain point you start wondering if your efforts are being paid off for what it's worth, then the answer's right there, isn't it?
perhaps just holding on still a little might turn the tables
everything is perfectly fine for now. in fact too smooth to be true. but well, when i'm always doing well in some factor and hell, i'll be meeting some real challenges further on. that's what always happen.
my parents have been telling me to start picking the schools partly because they fear i won't get accepted by any of them. there's nothing to be worried about. i'm always lucky when it comes to admissions and interviews. in fact, i excel in them all. i've never exactly failed any of them as far as i remember, unlike my brother who seems to be failing his interviews all the time.
and my mum was saying.
please try to appear to be hardworking.
i asked her why? she said it was to avoid jealousy.
it's true. sometimes i do feel that coming. it's just the thing that surrounds me since young. everyone just looks at that good results and that good life. they just seem to erase the part with the efforts that i've actually placed in.
it's not just luck and intelligence. first of all. lucky as i must admit, i've been pretty down on luck most of my life. i just managed to climb up from my fall just in time and plus gracefully not to be noticed. and secondly, i doubt i have that much intelligence. well, i was probably born with them but it just seem to perish slowly after taking the wrong steps and mixing with the wrong company according to some nice friends i've made since young.
it's still what the fuck. but somehow i agree with them deep down.
and when it comes to exams, i know i've always been failing and not those top-notch students but have always been manage to surprise just so anyone out there.
truth be told, i was disappointed with both my graduating grades.
i was contented with what i was given but i could have done better. no. i think i deserved better. i may not have placed in as much efforts as what my oh so many friends have placed in. may not have spent that much time on my exams. but i was struggling very hard to do well to at least keep up with the standard that my peers were at. god knows how behind time i was. how much time & money i spent hiring tutors to to intensive revision. and not forgetting having to juggling everything.
everyone just assumed it was intelligence and pure luck.
it's kinda sad that nobody ever feel that it's your efforts paid off. it seems like nobody ever recognises the efforts that you've invested. not that i ever want to take credit for anything. but it's never because how hardworking i am.
it's always how lucky i am. how some kind of intelligence manages to worm inside me.
i do place in efforts when it comes to studies. maybe that should be my new year resolution. to make someone at least give me the credit for the fact i am studious and hardworking. maybe i just don't place in that much efforts than anyone. or perhaps i pick things up faster than average if i try to place in more than 50% of efforts.
like any of my friends, even though they have never admitted. we always wanted to be the one that shone through the crowd. maybe not the top-notch, but we've never wanted to be the bottom few.
and i don't enjoy being the one who just sits comfortably at the bottom. not that i want to be termed as the smartest and the one who gets the best results. but maybe people should just forgo the fact that i don't exactly study yet by luck and intelligence, i will get satisfactory results.
because i do place in full concentration when it comes to studies. not only studies i guess, in everything that i've decided to carve. i may slack and take time off. but ultimately, i work silently and with that ambitious angel deep within and secretly hope things will take off and be on that path to success.
we are all like that, aren't we?
it's just kinda not the right strategy to admit that.
and i guess, we have to act hardworking so people will at least give me the credit for whatever i am given. and people will not pass of comments that i just probably bought my way through. and i just got things by through relations, well i don't deny that. at least i always manage to source for relations and end up at a good place, right?
i had a dream the other day. or maybe not. perhaps it did happen.
she was telling me,
"if this is what you want, you have to work hard for it.
no matter how tired or restless you are, you just have to remember
with all that efforts placed in, it might pay off
but with bearing that might in mind, there is not a 100% guarantor to that
the heart must be strong enough to withold that blow of failure.
because the efforts might not pay off and no one is ever going to give you credit for that"
it's been on my mind for days.
it's true that all might not turn out to be that fantastic even though we've worked hard for it. but as far as i can, whatever i try to work hard for, whatever i try to mantain and keep up with it. i will succeed and it will be the best out of everything.
because i've always got what i wanted in my way
well maybe not when it comes to being romantically involved, because i suck at that.
because i let myself be dependant.
which is what i really need right now with all that exhaustion and time ticking away and i'm here still trying to think through some stuffs and feeling extremely upset and the need to hug someone tight right now.
but i know.
it's always myself at the end of the day.
some things never change. with so many people who claims to love me revolving around me day by day. i never seem to find that someone who can stay by my side long enough.
maybe other than my brother. but i think i'm the one who is always there for him. who has to wake up at fucking 5am tomorrow so i can accomodate his medical test which determines his so called bright future and who wakes up in the middle of the night to fucking stop him from kicking the balls and to answer his dumb adolescent questions. whoever answered mine.
finally sunday is here and well, at least i could have a rest, pack some things and start with those that have been left lying cold there on monday. and with 100bucks p.d., i'm going to be real happy.
if there is a certain point you start wondering if your efforts are being paid off for what it's worth, then the answer's right there, isn't it?
perhaps just holding on still a little might turn the tables
everything is perfectly fine for now. in fact too smooth to be true. but well, when i'm always doing well in some factor and hell, i'll be meeting some real challenges further on. that's what always happen.
my parents have been telling me to start picking the schools partly because they fear i won't get accepted by any of them. there's nothing to be worried about. i'm always lucky when it comes to admissions and interviews. in fact, i excel in them all. i've never exactly failed any of them as far as i remember, unlike my brother who seems to be failing his interviews all the time.
and my mum was saying.
please try to appear to be hardworking.
i asked her why? she said it was to avoid jealousy.
it's true. sometimes i do feel that coming. it's just the thing that surrounds me since young. everyone just looks at that good results and that good life. they just seem to erase the part with the efforts that i've actually placed in.
it's not just luck and intelligence. first of all. lucky as i must admit, i've been pretty down on luck most of my life. i just managed to climb up from my fall just in time and plus gracefully not to be noticed. and secondly, i doubt i have that much intelligence. well, i was probably born with them but it just seem to perish slowly after taking the wrong steps and mixing with the wrong company according to some nice friends i've made since young.
it's still what the fuck. but somehow i agree with them deep down.
and when it comes to exams, i know i've always been failing and not those top-notch students but have always been manage to surprise just so anyone out there.
truth be told, i was disappointed with both my graduating grades.
i was contented with what i was given but i could have done better. no. i think i deserved better. i may not have placed in as much efforts as what my oh so many friends have placed in. may not have spent that much time on my exams. but i was struggling very hard to do well to at least keep up with the standard that my peers were at. god knows how behind time i was. how much time & money i spent hiring tutors to to intensive revision. and not forgetting having to juggling everything.
everyone just assumed it was intelligence and pure luck.
it's kinda sad that nobody ever feel that it's your efforts paid off. it seems like nobody ever recognises the efforts that you've invested. not that i ever want to take credit for anything. but it's never because how hardworking i am.
it's always how lucky i am. how some kind of intelligence manages to worm inside me.
i do place in efforts when it comes to studies. maybe that should be my new year resolution. to make someone at least give me the credit for the fact i am studious and hardworking. maybe i just don't place in that much efforts than anyone. or perhaps i pick things up faster than average if i try to place in more than 50% of efforts.
like any of my friends, even though they have never admitted. we always wanted to be the one that shone through the crowd. maybe not the top-notch, but we've never wanted to be the bottom few.
and i don't enjoy being the one who just sits comfortably at the bottom. not that i want to be termed as the smartest and the one who gets the best results. but maybe people should just forgo the fact that i don't exactly study yet by luck and intelligence, i will get satisfactory results.
because i do place in full concentration when it comes to studies. not only studies i guess, in everything that i've decided to carve. i may slack and take time off. but ultimately, i work silently and with that ambitious angel deep within and secretly hope things will take off and be on that path to success.
we are all like that, aren't we?
it's just kinda not the right strategy to admit that.
and i guess, we have to act hardworking so people will at least give me the credit for whatever i am given. and people will not pass of comments that i just probably bought my way through. and i just got things by through relations, well i don't deny that. at least i always manage to source for relations and end up at a good place, right?
i had a dream the other day. or maybe not. perhaps it did happen.
she was telling me,
"if this is what you want, you have to work hard for it.
no matter how tired or restless you are, you just have to remember
with all that efforts placed in, it might pay off
but with bearing that might in mind, there is not a 100% guarantor to that
the heart must be strong enough to withold that blow of failure.
because the efforts might not pay off and no one is ever going to give you credit for that"
it's been on my mind for days.
it's true that all might not turn out to be that fantastic even though we've worked hard for it. but as far as i can, whatever i try to work hard for, whatever i try to mantain and keep up with it. i will succeed and it will be the best out of everything.
because i've always got what i wanted in my way
well maybe not when it comes to being romantically involved, because i suck at that.
because i let myself be dependant.
which is what i really need right now with all that exhaustion and time ticking away and i'm here still trying to think through some stuffs and feeling extremely upset and the need to hug someone tight right now.
but i know.
it's always myself at the end of the day.
some things never change. with so many people who claims to love me revolving around me day by day. i never seem to find that someone who can stay by my side long enough.
maybe other than my brother. but i think i'm the one who is always there for him. who has to wake up at fucking 5am tomorrow so i can accomodate his medical test which determines his so called bright future and who wakes up in the middle of the night to fucking stop him from kicking the balls and to answer his dumb adolescent questions. whoever answered mine.
finally sunday is here and well, at least i could have a rest, pack some things and start with those that have been left lying cold there on monday. and with 100bucks p.d., i'm going to be real happy.
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